sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
our cab driver is having phone sex.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
