It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
