Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
