I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
