dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
