Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
