Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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