Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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