were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
it glows. i had to have it.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
