My room smells like vodka and shame
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
bring money and cleavage
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I need to sanitize my soul.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
