Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
