I am midnight drunk by noon
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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