I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
