i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
