my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
