You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
