No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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