Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
being pregnant is like rehab
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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