You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
