I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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