So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
