no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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