You're a womanizer and a bitch.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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