she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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