dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
