is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
