I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
