just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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