It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
