I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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