Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
