Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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