i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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