Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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