My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dignity is for republicans.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Drake has all the answers
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
