ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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