my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
