We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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