I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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