Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She told me I should be a condom model.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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