I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
