Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
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