He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
