It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
