i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
