well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
