Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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