Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
