i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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