he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
