glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
