ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
