I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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